The Last Resort
by Zairihannah
Summary: There was no getting around it. He was stuck. And now he was going to have to use his last resort. Rated T only because I wasn't sure about one portion.


**AN: This is just a little one-shot I felt like writing to take a break from my other stories. I've always loved brotherly stories, and felt like writing one myself. I wouldn't call it "brotherly fluff," but it is brotherly bonding. Anyway, I do not own the TMNT, Splinter, April, or **_**Cosmopolitan**_**. Enjoy the story!**

**The Last Resort**

There was no getting around it. No amount of twisting, pulling, cursing, yelling at thin air, or threatening that which held him fast could free him. He would just have to face the facts and accept his fate. If only he could go back in time, to save himself from his future humiliation.

Because he was stuck. Stuck tighter than a fly to fly paper. His foot was currently lodged in between two sewer pipes that just happened to be low to the ground. How he managed to get his foot stuck between the thin crack separating the pipes, he didn't know.

"A'right then," he grumbled. "Yeh got two options. Ya could stand here 'til yer foot rots off, or yer could suck it up and call fer help."

It was a tough decision. Finally though, after a long deliberation in which he had a mental argument with himself, he chose the lesser of two evils, the last resort, in his book.

The margin between was very thin.

He grumbled as he bent at an awkward angle to retrieve his fallen shell cell, his fingers just barely able to grasp it. He couldn't help holding back a cry of triumph when he managed to slowly wriggle it close enough where he could get his hand around it and pick it up.

After another mental argument with himself, he finally swallowed his pride, opened the shell cell, and stared at it.

Now, which one should he call? After about half a second of deliberation, his decision was made and he hit the button for said brother. Really, there was no choice.

He put the phone to his ear and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And then he waited some more.

He really didn't like waiting.

He'd never noticed how annoying the ringing sound was before.

A certain purple clad sibling of his was going to meet an untimely death if he didn't pick up his shell cell this instant!

And then finally—he waited some more.

All right, plan B. Brainiac clearly had more important things to do than answer his own frickin' shell cell.

After staring at the screen for another minute, he still couldn't decide which of his other two brothers he'd rather admit his humiliating predicament to.

One would never let him live it down.

And the other would lecture him the entire time of the evils of acting without thinking and blah, blah, blah, blah.

After a moment, he made his decision.

He waited.

And he waited.

And he waited.

Why wasn't Donnie picking up?!

And then—

The ringing stopped!

"Donnie, I'm a'gonna kill ya!" He snarled into the speaker. "I've been callin' ya fer like fifteen minutes! Where the—?"

"Raph?"

Definitely not Donnie.

"What are you going on about? Is something wrong? Are you hurt? Where are you? Were you captured? Were you ambushed? Were—?"

"Where's Donnie?"

The speaker stopped his tirade long enough to answer. "He went topside to the junkyard to get some parts, and Mikey cajoled him into letting him come. Sensei left this morning to give April her ninjitsu lessons." He continued without even taking a breath. "Are you in the sewers? Did you—?"

"I'm stuck."

A pause. "Come again?"

"I said 'I'm stuck'."

"I heard you. But, by 'stuck', what do you mean?"

"I am currently incapable of movement. I am immobile. I cannot move. I am unable to have my feet in motion. Do ya need me to go on?"

"I know what the word 'stuck,' means, Raph."

"Then why the shell are ya asking what I mean by it?"

"I meant, _how_ are you stuck?"

Silence.

"Raph?"

More silence.

"Raphael, did you hear me?"

A pause before a short cough and muffled cursing. "Yeah, I heard ya."

"_How_ are you stuck?"

"Uh, ya wan' specifics?"

"Raphael, if you do not answer that _very_ simple question this instant, I will hang up on you and go find something more productive to do with my time."

Silence. Then, "Ma foot's stuck."

Silence on the other end. Then, very bluntly, "Your foot's stuck."

"Uh huh."

"I'm going to need a little more than that."

"Ya know the pipes running along the sewer?"

"Raphael, did you get your foot stuck in between those pipes again?"

"There was a bug and—!" Silence.

"What was that about a bug?"

"Nuttin'. I'm at the junction under 3rd and 5th. Will ya please just come and get me?"

"Why were you trying to kill a bug with your foot?"

"Leo, I'm losin' the feelin' in ma foot."

"All right, all right, I'm coming. Don't move."

"Ya jus' had ta say it, didn' ya?"

TMNT TMNT TMNT TMNT TMNT

Fifteen minutes later, Leonardo had reached the junction under 3rd and 5th and was met by a very comical sight. Raphael was standing on one leg with the other leg firmly wedged between two low-to-the-ground sewer pipes. He was also soaking wet and did _not_ look happy.

"Comfy?" Leo couldn't resist asking as he moved to his brother's side.

Raphael gave him his signature death glare as he hopped on his currently aching foot. The fact that he'd been standing in the same stagnant sewer water for the past half hour didn't make him feel any better. "Not in the mood, Fearless."

Leo said nothing as he closely examined his brother's foot and its current surroundings. "Yup. You're stuck all right."

"Thank ya, Captain Obvious. I hadn' noticed."

"I may have to—" Leo thought out loud as he reached up and grabbed the hilt of his katana.

"Leo, are ya crazy?" Raph cried. "I rather like ma foot, thank ya very much!"

Leo gave his brother a did-you-really-just-say-that look as he stood up from his crouched position of examining the pipe and rolled his eyes. "I _was_ referring to cutting the _pipe_, but that's probably a worse idea."

"Ha, ha, Fearless."

Silence.

"Ya were kiddin', right?"

"I'll just have to pull you out," Leo ignored the question as he crouched down again and reached in to grasp his brother's foot. "This won't hurt a bit."

A good yank, a loud wrenching sound, a crack, and a holler of pain later, and Raphael was free, lying on the ground, clutching his foot in pain. 'Ya said i' wouldn' hurt!"

Leo looked down at him, indifference in his eyes. "I don't know about you, but _I_ didn't feel a thing."

Raph looked up at him in disbelief before grunting and holding up one of his arms. "Will ya jus' quit with the logic 'n help ma up?"

"Raphael," Leo said in his best Leader voice. "You have been standing on the same foot for over half an hour. Your other foot is badly sprained, if not outright broken. And, we are nearly six miles away from the lair. Do you really believe that you can hop all the way back?"

Raph glanced down at his foot before stubbornly shaking his arm. "Ya ferget, Fearless. I'm tough."

Leo rolled his eyes as he reached down to lift his brother up, holding still as Raph steadied himself on his good foot. "If you say so, tough guy."

TMNT TMNT TMNT TMNT TMNT

"Raphael," Leo said exasperatingly. "This is the seventh time you've had to stop in the last fifteen minutes. At this rate, we won't reach the lair until Tuesday." It was currently Thursday.

"'m fine," Raph grumbled back. "Jus' a little winded."

Leo sighed. "Raphael," he said, rubbing his sore temples and closing his eyes. "You are in no condition to hop six miles to the lair. Just let me carry you."

Raph said nothing for several seconds, staring down at his throbbing foot in annoyance. Finally, he glanced up at his brother and sighed. "Fine," he muttered. "But ya ain't carryin' me in yer arms like I'm some damsel in distress."

Leo rolled his eyes. "Is a fireman's carry all right with you?"

Raph thought for a minute. "I 'spose so."

Wondering to himself if fratricide would be a crime at this point, Leo reached down and grasped his brother's outstretched arm. He bent and draped his brother over his shoulders before standing and adjusting him so that he wouldn't slip off. Raph grunted and squirmed, clearly uncomfortable with the situation. "By the way, are we there yet?"

"You did _not_ just ask me that," Leo growled under his breath as he began the remainder of the trek to the lair.

TMNT TMNT TMNT TMNT TMNT

"_Leo_!" Raphael whined from atop his brother's shoulders. "Ma head hurts! And I'mma hungry! Are we there yet?"

"Not since you asked me that two minutes ago," Leo muttered, fratricide sounding _really_ tempting right now.

"Ma foot hurts!"

"I know."

"Ma head hurts!"

"I know."

"Are we there yet?"

"RAPHAEL!"

A pause. "Yeah?"

Leo had to take a deep breath before he lost it, ditched his brother, and continued on home without him. "For the last time. We. Are. Not. There. Yet."

Another pause. "How close?"

Leo ground his teeth together, mentally counting down from ten in his head. "I don't know."

"Why _not_?!"

Perhaps he should just ignore him.

"Leo?"

Ignore! Ignore!

"_Leeoooo_?"

IGNORE! IGNORE!

"LEO?"

"WHAT?!"

Well, for the sake of redundancy—there was a pause. "Are we there yet?"

"NO!"

TMNT TMNT TMNT TMNT TMNT

"I can't believe I was able to find a defibrillator in a junkyard!" Donnie exclaimed, cradling the precious cargo to his plastron. "Who on earth would throw something like this out?!" He paused and glanced at his brother. "What are you doing?"

Mikey looked up from where he'd had his head buried in a _Cosmopolitan_ magazine that he'd hidden behind one of his comic books. "Reading."

Donnie said nothing as they rounded the last corner to their lair.

They stopped short when they heard the racket coming from their home.

"WILL YOU HOLD STILL?!"

"I DON' WANNA!"

"STOP ACTING LIKE A CHILD AND HOLD STILL!"

"YER A MEANIE!"

"I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU!"

"I DON' WAN' YER HELP!"

Donnie and Mikey shared wide-eyed glances as Donnie hurried to open the door to their lair. The sight that met them might have been comical if it weren't for the outright murderous look in their eldest brother's eyes.

Raph was face down on the floor with Leo atop his shell facing backwards. Leo appeared to be trying to bandage Raph's foot, since he held a roll of gauze and tape in his hands. The two brothers froze at the opening of the lair's doors and Leo whirled around while Raph struggled to lift his head from the ground.

Mikey could only stare as Donnie calmly asked. "Leo? Why are you manhandling our little brother?"

Leo blew out a breath as he rolled off his brother's shell and scooped his struggling brother into his arms. "He managed to sever the tendons in his heel and he refuses to let me wrap his foot!" He carried Raph to their worn couch and dropped him, none too gently, onto it.

Raph glanced up and seemed to realize who was standing there. "Donnie!" He held out his arms as his lips began to quiver. "Leo's bein' a meanie!"

Donnie raised his brow ridges as he cautiously approached his younger and older brother. "Did he hit his head or something?"

Leo rolled his eyes. "I gave him some pain meds. He's been acting like that for the past hour. He's impossible!" As he reached for his brother once more, Raph jerked back and shook his head.

"NO! I wan' Donnie!"

"That's fine by me!" Leo exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air as he stepped back to allow his immediate younger brother passage. "He's all yours, Don! Have a good time!"

Donnie looked less than thrilled as he strolled over and gave his younger brother a quick once over. Then, his big brother instincts kicked in and he went into Dr. Donnie Mode, as his brothers called it. "Okay, Raph, I'm going to take you to the lab so I can x-ray your foot and see how bad it is." He reached down to grab his brother's arm to help him up, when the younger turtle yanked his arm back and shook his head.

"Carry me!" He whined, holding out his arms.

Donnie glanced back at Leo, a please-tell-me-he-isn't-serious look on his face. The eldest turtle shrugged, smiling evilly on the inside. "You should be honored, Donnie. He didn't even want _me_ to touch him."

Donnie sighed in surrender as he picked his brother up with a grunt, adjusting him in his arms as he turned and started towards the lab. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?' He called back over his shoulder before disappearing inside. From inside, Mikey and Leo heard him say, "No, Raph, I really _don't_ want to kiss your 'boo boo'."

Mikey glanced at Leo, the only sounds now coming from the lair being an occasional question/demand from Raph and a strained answer from Donnie. "It wasn't really that bad, was it?"

"I'm going to go write a will," Leo said suddenly, turning on his heel and heading for the balcony so he could jump to his second floor room.

"Why do you need to write your will?"

"Not mine," Leo replied calmly. "Raph's."

Mikey blinked. "Uh, why do you need to write _Raph's _will then?"

"Because, after he and Donnie are asleep, I'm going to sneak into the lab and asphyxiate him."

Mikey's face scrunched in horror. "Dude, that's nasty!"

Leo blinked in confusion, staring at his brother, before shaking his head and leaping to the second floor balcony. He disappeared into his room, muttering to himself about little brothers.

Mikey watched after him for a moment before slowly heading to a bookcase in the corner of their lair and drawing out a dusty, never-before-used dictionary. After a long two minutes in which Mikey searched for any word that resembled the one his brother had used, he found it and quickly read the definition.

He paused, reading through it once more. "Oh. That makes more sense."

**AN: Yes, I decided to make Donnie older than Raph in this one-shot just because it fit the story better. Really, in the end, I think it's more a matter of opinion. Anyway, I hope you liked this one-shot of mine. Please do leave a review and tell me what you thought! If you liked it, I'll probably write another one. Then again, I'll probably do that anyway. On a side note, my two stories should be updated within the next few days, for those anxious for an update. I just felt like writing this. Thanks for reading!**


End file.
